IVF.....

Well... It's been over a year now since I found out I was pregnant... Had it all worked out I would have me a little 3.5 month old right now. It's weird.  I got a lot better with everything for awhile... Felt like I had moved past a lot of the immense sadness and pain, but this last little while has been extremely hard. I've started having anxiety attacks and panic attacks. I was in Utah a few weeks ago and it was the exact time I got pregnant last year so there were so many reminders that would set me off.... Still talking about it now is starting to throw me for a loop. Anyway my whole point of this post is to chronicle my IVF process. I started my shots 3 days ago. In 2 weeks I start giving myself 2 more shots a day, for a total of three shots everyday for two weeks.  I have to take antibiotics, baby aspirin, progesterone, folate, b12 and my prenatal every day. It's pretty overwhelming.  Around march 24 is when they will do the egg retrieval. They loop ya up pretty good for that and go in with a needle through your uterus and up to your ovaries to aspirate the eggs. The hope is for around 20 eggs. They will fertilize each egg individually so we have a better chance at having embryos to transfer.  After 5 days of the embryos splitting and dividing and getting stronger, they will implant them.... Then I have two weeks of hell hoping it worked but not knowing. When I start to think of the possibility that it might not work I get really anxious and make myself sick. I have to have faith it will work. And heaven forbid it doesn't, I will just have to have faith that The Lord has something else in store for us.  So maybe if you have room, keep me in your prayers because I could really use it.