Tomorrow is the big day

I cheated. I took a test on sunday. I was 7dp5dt. ( 7 days past my embryo transfer that I had at 5 days past fertilization... Aka 12 days past ovulation) It was negative. I cried and I cried and I cried. I was so disappointed.  That's not even the right word. It was devastating.  It has ruined my day for the last three days. I have had a few tender mercies yesterday and today though. I met a woman at the park yesterday that is contemplating ivf because they have done multiple rounds of iui and other fertility treatments with no success. It was so nice to talk to someone that understood. I'm grateful my sister forced me out of bed and made me take pictures of my self around town doing stuff so she knew I wasn't home googling all the stuff that said it's not a good sign if you get a negative at 7dp5dt. Then today I went over to my neighbors house. She has a little boy that's 5 so we let him and pars play together. They played so well and it was so fun to know that pars will have a permanent friend here!  The whole infertility thing is especially hard for me in regards to pars. I hate that he might feel lonely. I want to give him a friend so bad. I was so relieved that he and B played together so well and his mom and I have so much in common. I can see us being great friends. Somehow the topic got brought up about kids and I told her my situation. Turns out she had a failed ivf round last year. She also had a miscarriage at 12 weeks but they thought the baby had died at 9 weeks. Mine was at 10.5 weeks and they think the baby died at 8 weeks. The situations are so similar. Anyway she and her husband have since decided they can't take the stress of all the hormones and crap that goes along with it.  So... they are going to be content with their one and only little guy. I was able to cry and she hugged me and I just felt so relieved to talk with someone that knew exactly what I was going through and knew exactly how I felt.  I was a different person when I got home tonight. I just felt a huge crushing  weight lifted off my shoulders.  Both of these situations were a tender mercy from The Lord. I know it. And I couldn't be more thankful. Tomorrow I will know for sure, and I can't tell you how relieved I am that if the news is bad I will have someone to talk to that WILL know exactly how I feel. I have been begging my Heavenly Father to let me be pregnant but I have also been begging to have the peace of knowing that if it doesn't work it is because He didn't allow it for some reason or another and that everything will work out as it should. I am praying so hard to have that clarity and to be grateful no matter the outcome.